ICARUS
by squoctobird
Summary: James is obsessed with getting the lead in the musical of the story ICARUS. What happens when he finally gets the role of a lifetime? Will he be able to handle the pressure to be perfect? AU Inspired by Black Swan. Will contain some slash.
1. Chapter 1

**Inspired by the film Black Swan**

**The play "Icarus" described in this story does not exist as far as I know. The play is based on the Greek myth of Daedalus and Icarus.**

****The song James sings is "Tracks of My Tears" by Smokey Robinson****

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><p>The annoying buzz of his alarm pulled James from his slumber. He laid there momentarily and stared at the harsh red lights of 5:30 am in the darkness before turning off the offending sound. He got out of bed, groaning as he stretched his muscles and cracked his joints, and then headed towards the bathroom.<p>

He entered the shower, letting the hot steam help to relax his muscles and soothe his throat. The warm water ran over him as he sang his scales and arpeggios. He washed his hair and body while practicing his audition solo. He continued to hum to himself as he exited the shower and dried himself off. He wrapped the towel around his waist and headed back to his room to get dressed. Once he was clothed he met his mother in the kitchen where she was making his breakfast.

"Morning, mother," James greeted as he took a seat at the breakfast nook.

"Good morning, sweetheart. Today's the big day, isn't it?"

James nodded but avoided her gaze.

It was audition day. The time had come for the production of another musical with the Gustavo Rocque Theater Troupe. James had been with this company for the past six years but had yet to receive any starring roles despite his amazing musical and acting skills. There was always someone just a little better than he was. There was always someone with more seniority. And there always seemed to be that one slut that would sleep their way into the production.

James had always dreamed of being in the spotlight, being the center of attention, being a star and his mother's broken dreams only fueled his desire. Every time he failed, she relived her devastation and he hated putting her through that. This year he was determined to get the lead. Not just for himself, but for his mother. He would do whatever it took to make both of their dreams come true.

"I had that dream again last night," he told her. "I was on center stage singing that Smokey Robinson song you like so much. The spotlight was so bright I couldn't see the audience. At first I thought the theater was empty, but I could hear them, mom. All of them. Shouting and clapping for me. They loved me."

Mrs. Diamond smiled affectionately and patted James on the shoulder. Her hand lingered a moment and he brought his hand up to meet hers. They locked eyes briefly, expressing emotions that could not be conveyed accurately by words.

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><p>After an hour of vocal warm-ups at home, James headed to the theater. He arrived fifteen minutes early and sat quietly by himself until Gustavo called them to start the auditions. At promptly 10 o'clock, the portly man entered stage right and yelled for all the talent to assemble in the rehearsal hall.<p>

Many people sat in the chairs along the wall, while others practiced quietly to themselves. James was part of the former group, sitting in one of the uncomfortable, worn out chairs and scoping out the others in the room. He knew he was better than the others. He was definitely the most talented. He just had to prove it to Gustavo. His audition needed to be perfect.

Several names were called before it was finally his time to shine. He entered the audition room where Gustavo as well as the stage manager, Kelly, and the producer, Griffin were waiting. He handed his music to Gustavo who was seated at the piano and waited for his cue.

"_Some people say I'm the life of the party because I tell a joke or two. Although I may be laughing loud and hearty, deep inside I'm blue."_

James continued to sing like an angel, confidence growing with each new lyric.

"_So take a good look at my face. You'll see my smile looks out of pla-"_

James jumped in surprise when the large bulky door at the back of the room burst open with a loud boosh revealing a short brunette. Caught off guard, James couldn't prevent his voice from ringing off-key as he stumbled over the words. He glared in the direction of the door as it closed just as quickly as it opened. At this point, he noticed Gustavo had stopped playing and was leaning over whispering to Griffin.

The embarrassed boy cleared his throat awkwardly. "Uh. C-can I start over?" he asked.

Gustavo looked up at James with annoyance. "No, that's enough, James. You can go."

"At least let me finish the song!" he protested.

"I said, _that's enough."_

James stood there expressionless for a few moments before shaking his head in disbelief at what had just happened. Once again his hopes for lead in the play were surely shattered. He gathered his things in a rush and did his best to not appear as childish as he felt when he stormed out of the room. As the door closed behind him, he scanned the rehearsal hall for the boy who caused his mistake. Hazel eyes met chocolate across the room as the taller man glared hard at the pale, shorter brunette. He gave James a sheepish smile in return as an apology, but the offended did not accept it. Would not accept it. His chance at stardom was blown once again and it was all this boy's fault.

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><p>Everyone was instructed to leave when their audition was over, but James stayed until everyone was finished. He had to convince Gustavo to give him another audition, so he waited outside the larger man's office to catch him before he left for the night. When he arrived, Gustavo did not acknowledge James' presence, even when the actor followed him into the room.<p>

James swallowed the lump in his throat as he shut the door behind him. He didn't want anyone to see what he was about to do. Beg. Such an unprofessional thing to do, but James was desperate. He had to be the lead.

He hesitated slightly before speaking, as his nerves were getting the best of him, but his confidence grew when he told himself there was no turning back. He was in Gustavo's office. The battle was half over.

"You need to give me another chance, Gustavo. That audition was completely unfair. I know I'm good. The best singer in the troupe. Let me prove it to you. Please, Gustavo. I'll do anything to get the lead this year."

The entire time James was speaking, Gustavo was packing up his things to leave for the night. It wasn't until he heard the end of the boy's plea that he seemed to gain an interest.

"Anything?" he echoed with a raised eyebrow.

The portly man took a few predatory steps towards James who instinctively took a step back, colliding against the wall. He felt a hand rest on his hip, holding him in place. He was now trapped. Another chubby appendage reached up to cup his cheek. Suddenly, Gustavo's face was mere inches away from his own and James desperately wanted to melt into the sheet rock when he realized what was about to happen.

James' entire body froze when Gustavo's lips collided with his own. He stood there helpless as the older man attacked his lips. He didn't know what to do. Should he accept the advances and kiss back? This could be his big break, his only shot. If he rejected the man, he would most likely be stuck singing in the ensemble for the rest of his career.

The swipe a tongue along his bottom lip brought James out of his daze. His eyes widened in fear as he tried to push the oversized man away. The grip on his waist tightened and caused James to gasp in pain, inadvertently giving the unwanted tongue access to assault his mouth.

A wave of nausea overcame James as panic reached an all time high. He pushed Gustavo away with more determination this time and kneed him hard in the groin. The man's hold on James immediately dropped as he reached for his wounded pride and fell to his knees.

James ran out of Gustavo's office and straight to the bathroom where he locked himself in a stall and puked his guts out. When all the contents of his stomach had been expelled, he leaned back against the door and slowly slid down to the ground. His eyes stung with tears. He brought a hand to his mouth to fight the whimper that wanted to escape. He banged his head against the door behind him. How could he have been so stupid? And what was he going to tell his mother?

* * *

><p>James took a deep breath and wiped the tears from his eyes as he looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were red and puffy. His skin was splotchy with dried tracks of tears on his cheeks. He nearly laughed at the bitter irony. Tracks of his tears indeed.<p>

He splashed a handful of water on his face. The liquid felt cool against his heated skin. He pulled out a small black comb from his pocket and fixed his disheveled hair. There was a time when he considered the object lucky, but what good had it done him? It was apparent that luck was just not on his side.

Once he felt presentable, he gathered his things and left the restroom. The hallway of the theater was dark as everyone had left for the day. He walked solemnly towards the exit thinking of how he would explain this all to his mother.

Maybe it was the lack of lighting or lingering emotions of his confrontation with Gustavo, but James had a very uneasy feeling deep in the pit of his stomach. He felt like he was being watched. Was that another set of footsteps he heard? He stopped dead in his tracks and looked over his shoulder. He didn't see anyone and things were eerily quiet. The only sound that could be heard was his labored breathing. He held his breath for a better listen.

The loud trill of a cell phone shot through the quiet corridor and James nearly jumped out of his skin in fright. He calmed down when he realized it was his phone vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out to see the word MOM flashing on the screen. He was not in the mood to deal with her yet. He turned the phone off and placed it in his bag. After one more look around he quickly made his way to the exit and headed home.


	2. Chapter 2

**I hate author's notes, but this feels necessary. Sorry it has taken so long to upload this next chapter. I was planning on writing more, but I got stuck/blocked so I decided to post what I have instead of continuing to make you guys wait.**

**Also, as I forgot to mention this in the first chapter, special thanks to my pal Andy who has helped a lot by using his Technical Theater degree to answer questions about theater and such.**

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><p>James stood outside of his apartment door with the key in his hand. He had been standing there for the past five minutes trying to gain the courage to face his mother. She would definitely be upset even though she was good at hiding her true emotions for his sake. But James knew how much of a disappointment this would be; he knew he was a failure of a son.<p>

"It's now or never," he said to himself as he took a deep breath and stuck the key in the lock. He turned the key but before he could reach for the knob, the door swung open revealing his distraught mother.

"Oh, my. There you are, James," she said as she pulled him into a desperate hug. "I've been so worried. Why haven't you answered your phone? Why are you home so late?"

"Calm down, mom," he said as he gently tried to push her away. "I'm fine. Auditions… ran late."

Brooke Diamond read right through that lie. Having been in the theater herself, she knew that you could leave when your audition was finished. Plus, James had seniority and would have been one of the first to perform.

She held James at arm's length and looked him straight in the eye. "James?" Her voice was filled with knowing and concern. That was all it took for him to break. Tears fell down his cheeks and he turned his head to the side. He couldn't look at her; he couldn't face her. She pulled him back into a hug and held him close. He buried his face in her shoulder and wept.

"I blew it, mom. I blew it."

The next morning James couldn't find it in him to sing in the shower.

* * *

><p>James entered the theater and didn't bother to stop to read the cast list. He knew exactly where his name would be, under ensemble. He walked down the hall towards the auditorium where the rest of the troupe would be waiting to begin.<p>

As he made his way to the front of the theater, he received several glares. James felt very uncomfortable. Why were they looking at him like that? Had someone found out what happened with Gustavo? Were they disgusted with him? They probably thought he was some sort of whore, and a bad one at that.

He was about to sit down when his friend Camille engulfed him in a back breaking hug, nearly knocking him over.

"Congratulations, James!" the curly brown haired girl squealed. "You must be so excited."

He shot her a confused look. "What are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about? Didn't you check the cast list, James?"

He shook his head with a blank look on his face.

"You got the lead. You're Icarus!"

"The lead?" he said softly to himself.

He looked up and saw the smile on her face. His eyes went wide with realization and without another word, he turned and walked as fast as he could to the back of the auditorium. His speed increased with each step and quickly turned into a sprint as he headed down the hall to the bulletin board. He slid to a stop, nearly falling over, when he reached his destination.

As he stood there catching his breath, his eyes frantically scanned the cast list looking for his name and there it was in black and white. _James Diamond - Icarus. _It felt too good to be true. He brought his finger up to the paper and gently ran it over the letters, needing to confirm it tangibly. The biggest smile spread across James' face as he realized his dream had come true. He reached in his pocket for his cell phone and dialed his mother's number.

She picked up on the first ring. "James, what's wrong? You never call while at rehearsal."

All of sudden, James felt like he couldn't breath. The words were stuck in his throat. He was so overwhelmed, but he could practically hear his mother starting to panic on her end so he forced air in and out of his lungs.

"Mom. Mom, I'm fine," he finally managed.

"James?"

"I got it. I got the part. I'm Icarus, mom. I got the lead."

James' mother started gushing and singing his praises and he chuckled at her enthusiasm.

"Mom, I've got to get back to rehearsal, but I just wanted to call and tell you the good news. I love you. I'll see you when I get home tonight."

He ended the call and wiped away the tears that had gathered in his eyes. He couldn't hold back his grin as he walked back to the auditorium and took his seat on the front row.

"_Icarus_ is going to take the Gustavo Rocque Theater Troupe to the next level," the large stage director said as he paced across the stage. "This will be our most expensive production to date due to the elaborate scenery and special effects." Gustavo paused and looked directly at James, "I'm counting on all of you to make this a success."

As he continue to speak, Kelly handed out scripts and music to the members of the troupe. James took his greedily and began to read. He was immediately engrossed in the story and soon even Gustavo's loud voice was drowned out by James' imagination. All he could hear was the sound of his own voice singing about the freedom of flying across the sky. He could almost reach the sun-

"Well, thank you for joining us, Logan," Gustavo yelled with sarcasm, bringing James out of his fantasy.

Everyone in the auditorium turned to look at the boy walking down the aisle. James recognized him immediately as the one who ruined his audition and almost destroyed his dream. Things had worked out for James in the end, so he shouldn't have any ill feelings towards the stranger, but he did.

He tried his best not to stare, but he couldn't take his eyes off of the almost-dream-destroyer. There was something different about the shorter boy that James was drawn to that he couldn't quite explain. He was like a moth to a flame.

It wasn't too long before Logan noticed James' staring and raised a questioning eyebrow. The taller boy quickly adverted his gaze down to his script. He casually flipped through the pages trying to seem nonchalant but he knew the damage was done. It took an incredible amount of will power for James to not stare for the remainder of the meeting.

When it was over, James tried to get out of the auditorium as fast as he could. He didn't like how Logan made him feel and he wanted to get away. Unfortunately, he was stopped by Kendall who was blocking the exit.

Kendall was one of James' biggest competitors in the troupe. They were always fighting over parts. While James definitely had more talent, Kendall had this spark in him that ignited when he was on stage. Gustavo called it 'the fire.' James knew that he could have that same fire if only given the chance and he planned to prove it.

"What did you have to do to get the lead, James? Suck his cock?"

"_Some _of us don't have to," James spat.

Kendall's eyes narrowed as he glared at James.

Not wanting to continue this confrontation, James pushed past the blonde, knocking shoulders with the other as he walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

James sipped from a slender champagne glass as he eyed the ballroom. He saw many familiar faces in the sea of people that had gathered together for the theater's yearly fundraiser. All of the city's and surrounding area's wealthy and high society were in attendance dressed in elegant gowns and the finest quality suits and tuxes.

James was wearing a slick black on black number with gold cufflinks. His best tux had been dry cleaned and freshly pressed. His hair was perfect, not a strand out of place. He introduced himself and spoke briefly to as many of the possible investors as he could. James absolutely charmed them with his bright smile and smooth words. All the productions for the season would surely be paid for before the evening was over.

He was speaking with Meredith Beaverhausen, a gorgeous redhead with a boisterous personality and a bank account to match, when Gustavo placed a hand on his shoulder, startling him.

"I'm about to make my speech. I want you up there with me."

The boy nodded, said goodbye and apologized to Ms. Beaverhausen, then followed Gustavo to the front of the room. He stood next to the plump man as he tapped his wine glass with a spoon, calling the attention of everyone in the room.

"Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for coming this evening. I hope you are all enjoying yourselves." The crowd responded with cheers and applause. The director smiled and continued, "You have all been most generous with your support tonight and I know this season is going to be a huge success.

Our first production is _Icaru_s, which tells the story of Daedalus and his son. The title character will be played by a Rocque Theater Group veteran, James Diamond. This is his first leading role, but I'm sure he will amaze you with his performance."

Gustavo wrapped his arm across James' shoulders and presented him to the crowd. He leaned in and whispered into the pretty boy's ear, "I'm counting on you, James."

James smiled awkwardly, feeling uncomfortable with the close proximity of the large director. He recoiled slightly, but did his best to look natural. He focused on the group of people before him who were cheering and applauding for him. He relished in the attention until his eyes caught sight of a particular brunette.

Logan was laughing heartily with his arm around Camille. She had a huge smile on her face and her eyes sparkled as she giggled along with him. Neither were paying attention to James and his grand introduction by Gustavo. James felt his blood start to boil. How dare they. And when did Logan become such great friends with Camille? Were they laughing at him?

James' face settled into a displeased frown as he continued to stare at the two. He watched as they walked over to the bar and ordered drinks. Logan had just popped the olive from his martini into his mouth when he caught James' gaze.

They locked eyes for a few seconds until the taller boy felt a stinging in his left eye. He broke contact, and brought his fingers up to rub his eye. This only made things worse as his eye was now starting to water causing his vision to blur on one side. Maybe some water would help get rid of the irritant

James walked quickly to the restroom to take a closer look at his eye. He locked the door to the single occupant facility and brought his face towards the mirror. He held his eyelid open for better inspection and found the source of his frustration.

It was an eyelash.

James turned on the faucet and cupped his hand to gather some of the cool water. He bent down and splashed his inflamed eye. He brought his face up and inspected his eye in the mirror again. The lash was still there. James rubbed his eye vigorously, now becoming frustrated. He continued until he finally felt the loose lash in his fingers.

He gripped the lash and brought it into his line of vision intent on making a wish before blowing the troublesome hair away. His brow furrowed together in confusion when he saw that the ailment wasn't an eyelash at all. It was much too long for that.

A loose strand of hair must have gotten in his eye, James thought to himself as he extended his arm to pull the hair away from his face. Only the hair did not release; it continued to stretch out the full length of his arm. He did have a longish hairstyle, but he had never let it grow this long.

James was confused, but he continued to pull on the strand. And it just kept coming and coming. The more he pulled, the more panicked he became as the strand continued to grow longer and longer. But he couldn't stop.

He just kept pulling and pulling.

And pulling.

And pulling.

Finally the end of the hair was released from his eye and floated slowly down into the sink and rested on the pile of hair that had collected there.

James was staring at himself in the mirror breathing heavy when there was a knock at the door.

"Um. G-g-give me just a minute!" he stuttered out trying not to panic further. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath to calm himself. All he had to do was flush the hair and leave the bathroom like nothing was wrong.

Another loud knock at the door brought him out of his thoughts.

"Come on, dude! I'm about to piss my pants."

James opened his eyes and glared at the door but noticed something very strange when doing so. The hair was gone. He frantically looked on either side of the sink and down around his feet but it was no where to be found. There was no way that it could have just casually blown away or fallen somewhere unnoticed. The strand was lengthy- extremely so- and it should stick out among the pristine white of porcelain.

The door knob started rattling and James decided to just wash his hands and leave. He dried his hands and swung the door open to see Logan bouncing from foot to foot. Relief poured over the shorter boy's face and he pushed past James as he loosened his tie.

"Thank God," he breathed already starting to undo his pants before James had completely exited the room. James opened his mouth to apologize but said nothing as the door slammed in his face.

* * *

><p>James stood outside of the ball room attempting to hail a cab. The party was over and he was ready to go home and go to bed. When a taxi had finally stopped for him, someone called his name before he could enter the vehicle. The pretty boy turned to see Gustavo walking towards him.<p>

"James, I have some things I'd like to discuss with you. Would you like to come to my apartment and talk over coffee?"

He looked at his watch hoping it was too close to his curfew so he could decline, but of course he wasn't that lucky.

"Sure. That would be great," James said with a half hearted smile

After a silent ride in the taxi, they arrived at Gustavo's condo. The older man's home was lavish and over the top. The walls were covered with extravagant art from all over the world and there was an expensive looking statue in the center of the entryway.

James was impressed. He and his mother lived in a small, modest apartment that was nothing compared to this abundance. He sat on a puffy, white couch that he recognized to be a Federico Benini limited edition with Gustavo seated across from him on a black leather sofa. They both sipped their coffee between mindless chit chat.

"I don't want there to be any boundaries between us, James. We have to get to know each other better. You have to trust me, James. That's the only way this can work"

He felt uncomfortable, but nodded. What did Gustavo mean exactly?

The larger of the two took a large gulp of his coffee and studied the other man.

"Do you have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend?"

The actor coughed and then cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well. Um. N-no, sir."

"I find that a bit hard to believe," Gustavo commented. "After all, you are very good looking, James. The girls and boys must be all over you. Have you had many in the past?"

"No one serious. I d-don't have much time for dating, really. I mean, I'm 100% committed to the studio. Dance rehearsal. Voice lessons. My own personal practice time at home. Plus, my mom wants me to focus on my career. I'm not sure if you've met her, but you don't tell my mom no."

Gustavo set his coffee mug down on a crystal coaster on his extravagantly carved coffee table. He stared at James for a moment. "You're not a virgin, are you?" he asked with an amused laugh.

James choked on his coffee. He looked up at the man with wide eyes, but then shook his head 'no' as his cheeks flushed.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's just sex." There was a brief silence between them before Gustavo spoke again. "Do you enjoy it, James? Sex? Do you like it?"

James stood up abruptly. "I need to go," he said as he put on his coat and made his way towards the door. Gustavo smirked and followed.

"I have some homework for you, James!" he called into the hallway after the boy. "Touch yourself. Let yourself go."

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><p><strong>AN: I will be out of town from March 1-11, but I will try my best to have the next chapter up before then. Thanks.**


	4. Chapter 4

James was in his bedroom changing out of his tuxedo as his mother was putting away some laundry.

"So, did you had a good time tonight?"

He paused a moment, hesitating. He was unsure if he should tell her about his uncomfortable meeting with Gustavo. He decided against it.

"Yeah. It was great, mom."

He placed his jacket on a hanger and laid it on his bed before starting to undo his tie. He tossed that on top of his jacket and reached up to unbutton his shirt.

"I wish I could have been there."

James let out a deep sigh, dropping his arms to his sides as he turned to look at her. He hated when she would get like this. Full of regret and brokenhearted over things that might have been. It always made him feel so guilty.

"I asked you to come," he replied.

His mother joined him in front of the mirror and gave him a sad smile. She understood that this was James' moment, not hers. She had to let him shine and not let her broken hopes cast a shadow.

"I know. I know," she said, shushing him as she grabbed the end of his sleeve to help remove his cufflinks.

"Mom, I'm not a child," he said, pulling away from her. "I can do it myself."

She looked at him suspiciously. "What are you hiding?"

"Nothing."

She grabbed his arm roughly and hastily removed his cufflinks before shoving the sleeve up to his elbow. His forearm was littered with faded scars of thin straight lines, but a few fresh, inflamed red lines stood out close to his wrist.

"You've been cutting again," she said firmly.

"No."

"Don't lie to me!" she screamed.

"No! No, mom, I haven't! I swear!"

She had his wrist in a vice grip as she dragged him down the hall to the bathroom. She forced James out of his clothes, stripping him down to his boxers to inspect every inch of skin. She found similar red lines on his other wrist.

"I though you had outgrown this, James," her voice was laced with disappointment and contempt. "Is it because of the role?"

James didn't answer.

"I knew the pressure would be too much for you."

"Mom, please. It's not what-"

"Where are they, James? Where are the blades?" She refused to listen to his excuses.

Brooke was hysterical as she pulled open drawers and cabinets, throwing their contents on the floor. When she didn't locate anything in the bathroom she headed back into his room.

She dumped all of his drawers on the floor, sifting through socks and underwear for the hidden silver object. Soon she slammed open his closet door then pulled out every piece of clothing and searched every pocket.

"Tell me where you're hiding them, James. Tell me!" she screamed.

James cringed at the sounds coming from his bedroom. He just sat on the edge of the tub with tears in his eyes. He wrapped his arms around his torso trying to cover himself. He felt humiliated although there was no one besides his mother to see him so vulnerable.

* * *

><p>James awoke the next morning lost in a sea of blankets. There was a dull throbbing pain in his temples and the burden from the night before was still heavy on his heart. His breathing was ragged and a bit shaky, but it grew stronger with every exhale. For awhile he just lay there breathing, too tired to open his eyes, but too awake to go back to sleep.<p>

He finally gained the strength to open his eyes but cringed at the glare from the window. He blinked. His eyelashes were sticky from crying and his vision was blurry with sleep. He rubbed his eyes and let out a loud yawn.

As he stretched, he felt his morning erection rub against his boxers causing a small amount of pleasure at the friction. His mind drifted to his conversation with Gustavo. 'Touch yourself' the man had said.

It wasn't like James had never masturbated before, but he honestly didn't do it that often. Maybe he needed to change that. Maybe he really couldn't let himself go on stage if he couldn't even let himself go in the privacy of his own bedroom.

James wrapped a tentative hand around his member and started to slowly stroke himself. He whimpered at the pleasure the friction created. As his speed increased, he felt heat rise through his body and down to his toes. His breathing increased and he began panting harshly. James felt himself getting closer and closer to the edge. His desire was at it's peak and he could hardly stand it any longer. He threw his head back against his pillow, thrashing from side to side as he reached the point of ecstasy. All he needed was a few more strokes and-

James froze and his eyes shot open when he heard the rustling nearby. He looked towards the location of the sound and saw his mother sleeping in the chair next to his bed. He immediately removed his hand from around his cock and fought the urge to vomit. He was completely mortified. Careful not to wake her, James slid out of bed quickly and headed to the bathroom for a cold shower.


	5. Chapter 5

James left for the theater before his mother woke up. Although it was unlikely she saw anything, he was still sufficiently embarrassed of masturbating with his mother in the room. And after the tirade the night before, he was not ready to face her.

He arrived at the theater a few hours early and expected to find the place empty, so he was surprised to find Logan performing by himself on the main stage.

The shorter brunette had moved to the area from San Francisco. According to rumors, Gustavo had hand picked him to join the troupe and paid for all his expenses to relocate. Gustavo hadn't done that for an actor in several years, so if it was true, then Logan must be extremely talented.

Logan was still a mystery to James. He couldn't quite figure him out. Most of the time, though, James didn't like him. Everything about the other boy seemed to grate on his nerves. His grin was crooked and his teeth were just too perfect.

James stood at the back of the auditorium and watched Logan perform. His eyes narrowed in anger when he realized the other boy was practicing _his _soliloquy. He crossed his arm over his chest and continued to watch.

"Beautiful, isn't he?"

James was startled by the voice, and turned to see Gustavo standing beside him.

"His movements are imprecise, but elegant. It's effortless. You're always too controlled."

James pursed his lips as he felt the burn of jealousy deep in his soul at the director's comments.

"I just want to be perfect," he confessed, trying to defend himself.

"And that's exactly why you aren't."

With that, Gustavo headed to his office, leaving James to watch Logan as he stewed in his resentment.

* * *

><p>The rest of the day, James had a chip on his shoulder. He had something to prove. He had to prove that he was better than Logan. He had to prove he <em>could<em> be perfect. He wanted to show Gustavo that he was wrong.

They had been working on a pivotal scene (Daedalus and Icarus had just been locked in the labyrinth by King Minos) and the director was riding him pretty hard. James felt like nothing he did was good enough for the man.

"No, James! Do that line again. You're too stiff!"

With every insult thrown at him, his mind would travel back to Logan and what Gustavo had said that morning. This should have fueled James' performance, but instead he found it harder and harder to focus.

His mind became so consumed with Logan that he kept making stupid mistakes. This only caused Gustavo to yell more. It was a vicious cycle.

"James, I need to see the passion in you. Icarus is about hubris. Unleash it!"

James ran through the dialogue again, pleased that the large man had not interrupted the scene to reprimand him, but this emotion was short lived. The actor locked eyes with the director and could tell he was still unimpressed.

Gustavo let out a deep sigh that breathed nothing but disappointment. "Let's just call it a day. We'll pick up where we left off tomorrow. You can go home, guys."

"Gustavo, wait!" James called as the man started to leave the area, "Can you stay and work with me? Maybe some one on one time with help."

Without even looking in James' direction, the burly man said, "No," and kept walking.

James stood there stunned.

He didn't care what Gustavo said. He was not going home. He was not giving up. If he had to stay all night working on the scene all alone, he would. Some alone time at the theater would do him good. He would be able to focus with out any interruptions, as long as he could keep his mind off of Logan. He had been trying to do that all day actually, but he could not escape him. It seemed that the shorter boy was everywhere.

During rehearsal, Logan was there watching him. When went out for some fresh air, Logan was there reading a book. When he went to the restroom, Logan was there as he left. When he went to the vending machine for some Gatorade, Logan was there getting a snack.

But he was alone now. He could focus on the scene without the other boy distracting him.

Only he couldn't. A noise off stage startled him.

"Who's there?"

"Hey," a voice called in return.

James craned his neck to get a better look at the shadowy figure approaching. He frowned when he realized it was Logan.

"Are you okay?" the shorter boy asked.

"I'm fine."

Logan wasn't convinced. "Are you sure?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" his voice broke, betraying his words.

Logan sat down on the stage next to where James was standing. When James didn't automatically do the same, he reached up and tugged on his arm, pulling the taller boy down next to him. Logan dug into his messenger bag and pulled out some toast. He had two slices and offered one to James.

"You're not supposed to eat in here," James said as he pushed the bread away.

"I won't tell if you won't." Logan smiled and winked at James before taking a bite.

There was a short silence between the two. It was neither awkward nor comfortable.

"So, we're getting close to the big day, huh? I can't wait. You're going to be so amazing!" Logan gushed.

"Thanks." That had been the first compliment James had received all day. He didn't realize how much it meant to him until he felt a tear roll down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away, but Logan saw it.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's nothing. It's just been a hard day."

Logan nodded like he understood. He tried his best to comfort James. "Gustavo is… a jerk."

"He's brilliant," James countered. "He has had 29 sold out seasons. In a row."

"Yeah, sure, brilliant. But that doesn't mean he's warm and fuzzy. I know he has a temper."

"You don't know him."

"And you do?" Logan smirks with an eyebrow raised. The question was loaded with innuendo.

James stood up abruptly, his face was flushed with embarrassment. "I should go. It's getting late."

"I was just teasing, James," Logan called after him. The taller boy didn't respond as he walked away quickly. "James, wait!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Huge apology for taking so long with this update. I did go some time without internet, but I don't have much of a good excuse for my absence besides that Tumblr and Drawception are very addicting. I appreciate all the reviews begging for an update. I only wish it they weren't anon so I could have assured you that the story had not been abandoned. Thanks for sticking with me. Expect another update with in the next week.**


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